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Questions to Ask When Putting Together Your Wedding Guest List

Writer's picture: Elizabeth HellerElizabeth Heller
wedding guests at wedding

As you sit down to compile your wedding guest list, it can feel like an overwhelming process to narrow down the people you would like to invite. Here are a few guidelines and questions to help you through the process!


First, talk about what kind of wedding you want and your overall vision for the day. Are you prioritizing as many people as possible for a giant celebration? Are you looking for a more intimate wedding? Do you have venue capacities to think about? What is your budget?


Generally, your wedding guests will fall into the following categories:

  • Immediate Family

  • Extended Family

  • Friends

    • Childhood Friends

    • High School Friends

    • College Friends

    • Post College Friends

  • Co-workers

  • Parent's Friends

  • Guest's Significant Others

  • Children


For some people, it is easiest to start with family members and create a boundary line for the level of separation. For example, you invite all immediate family and extended family through first cousins. For others, family is a sensitive topic and could include some delicate decisions based on your relationship with them.


For most people, narrowing down the friends/co-workers/acquaintances list is much more difficult. Here are a few helpful questions to ask yourself during this process:

  • How close are you with this person?

  • Have you seen them or talked with them in the last 6 months - 9 months?

  • Do they know your fiancé or have invested in your relationship?

  • Are they people you could see supporting you and your marriage in the future?

  • Would they invite you over for dinner? Or would you want to invite them over for dinner?

  • If they weren't present at your wedding would you miss them?

  • How would you feel if you weren't invited to their wedding?


When it comes to YOUR wedding day, guest list decisions are based on what you and your fiancé have prioritized and discussed together. You should feel excited to be surrounded by these people and your guests should also feel excited to celebrate with you! It's an honor to be invited to a wedding.

Finally, a few gentle (and helpful) reminders :

  • Just because someone invited you to their wedding does not mean you have to invite them to your wedding.

  • You do not have to give your guests a plus one if they have just started dating when save the dates or invites are sent out.

  • You do not have to invite your whole work office or department.


Your wedding is a personal event and the decisions you make regarding your wedding guests are also personal. The most important element is that you and your fiancé have good discussions and are on the same page. Use these questions to help you put together your most ideal wedding guest list.


Happy Wedding Planning!



xoxo, E

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